Ella Emhoff is the stepdaughter that stepmoms just like me have been looking forward to

As the first daughter of Bushwick, Kamala Harris isn’t a lesser, “other” mom. She’s Momala.

When I became a stepmom in 2017 to a precocious 6-year-old, I had no idea where to look for role models. I searched high and low, but I was disheartened by what I found. Stepmothers still struggle to outrun the negative stigma of being “the other,” a perception reinforced by fairy tales and, more recently, Republican politicians. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, of Georgia, for one, has publicly delegitimized stepmoms , as has Donald Trump’s 2024 running mate, Sen. JD Vance of Ohio.

Vance has declared Vice-President Kamala Harris “anti-child” and she’s a “childless cat lady.”But that’s not news to her stepdaughter Ella Emhoff, the daughter of Harris her wife, Doug. (Doug had been married to filmmaker Kerstin Emhoff prior to divorce at the end of 2008.) Along with her brother Cole, the 25-year-old recently stood up for Harris via social media. writing, “I love my three parents.”

Think of the children and their stepparents present today, who could show a picture showing Kamala with Ella hugging one another (a photo I emailed an email to my stepson) and make it a point of reference that acts as a source of inspiration and a strong example of a family that is not nuclear. Imagine watching this family performing on screen at DNC this week as Americans struggle to choose a president who is not just female of color as well as a stepmom.

I wish I had been able to follow that model in the past. Instead, I fought to find guidance. It could be like the blind guiding the blind when I began to read Reddit forums on stepparenting and following niche influencers for stepmoms. I bought memoirs by stepmothers as well as the books ” The Birth of a Foster, Adoptive or Stepmother: Beyond Biological Mothering Attachments.” I went online to read a few articles and did some more. I was compelled to defend stepmotherhood and to fill in the gaps that I was living with in real-time.

For a long time Disney films (and non-Disney ones) have been telling our children that stepmothers and biological moms are intrinsically adversaries. We’re pitted against other, and stepmothers are considered to be villains. Even if we weren’t “evil” per se, we were certainly not “real” parents.

When my stepdaughter turned an adult the topic was one that we talked about often and we pondered over what made stepmothers be being treated so badly. We made sure we nurtured our bond by celebration of Stepmom’s Day every year.

Everyone knows that children have to be able to see themselves in the world around them, particularly when they reach a certain age. Ella Emhoff is the perfect illustration of what it takes in challenging the stereotypes about nuclear families. Ella Emhoff is the “First Daughter” of Bushwick has hair in her armpits she crochets, advocates for gender-affirming and trans rights and has clearly no tolerance for anyone who tries to discredit her familial connections. It’s not “Cinderella.” It’s much better.

It’s also clear the fact that Ella as well as her younger brother admire and respect their stepmother. They don’t feel resentful towards his second wife. They are pleased that their dad is content. This respect is also mirrored by his first partner, Kerstin. In fact, when Vance’s accusations on Harris began to be reported by the media, Kerstin, too, offered help to her partner in parenting. “For over 10 years, since Cole and Ella were teenagers, Kamala has been a co-parent with Doug and I,” she declared in an announcement. “She is kind, loving as well as fiercely protective and always available. I adore our family of blended parents and am thankful to have her as a part of it.”

And even though Republicans might not want to admit that, blended families such as those aren’t just normal they’re typical. “It’s a cool dynamic we all have,” Ella stated to The New York Times in 2021. “And I think it is a good model to show that you can have this and this isn’t weird. Like it’s not weird to be friends or have a good relationship with your ex. It’s actually very healthy.”

In his 2020 Atlantic article “The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake,” David Brooks writes that today, nuclear families with two-biological-parent households are in the minority. But, he states there’s no reason to anxiety. “The great thing is that human beings can adapt even when the political system is slow to do the same. If one family structure ceases to function, people look out in search of something new, sometimes finding it in something that is very ancient,” he noted. One of the “old” ideas is the notion of family kinship. “We think of kin as those biologically related to us,” Brooks writes. “But throughout most of human history, kinship was something you could create.”

Although Republicans might not want to admit that they have blended families, those aren’t just normal They are actually typical.

My close circle of family and friends live in distinct and vibrant family structures. My most beloved friends are from a family comprising three members: an adopted dad and stepdad, and a 13-year-old daughter. They share a parent with their other father who was adopted from the previous marriage. One of their friends has a home with a polyamorous family with their spouse of ten years as well as their partner’s partner, and their partner’s children. They believe this arrangement helps make the familial unit stronger. One of my best friends who is in her 40s lives without a husband and her boyfriend. They also have his son who is six years old, and travels between their homes.

Are these families “real”? If you are living with your child, are you an “real” parent? What happens if you take the stepchild every day for years? What happens if they are sleeping close to you and suffer from nightmares? How do you be able to pass a test that is impossible?

Discrimination and alienation from stepmoms is one of the most specific types of grieving that is largely unresolved. In fact, it requires an incredibly strong person to step-parent a child -it’s not to be taken lightly. heart. It’s even happened to me that I’ve been called as a “childless stepmom” over the decades; it’s truly the most ridiculous oxymoron one could think of.

Trust me when I say that you are holding your stepdaughter’s hair as she throws up, take the girl to her school or accompany your daughter on a plane to Europe in her first trip, drive her to an urgent clinic or argue with her over cleaning her bedroom, help to pay for her private school, and leave Post-its everywhere in the home with the words, “Brush your teeth,” assist her in choosing an outfit to wear for the first time at a dance. help her wash her face and also wear deodorant, the hula hoop, and pump gas you’re not “childless,” you’re childand a as-.

This is something that the one daughter from Bushwick and the potential First female President of the United States, both understand. Kamala Harris isn’t some lesser, “other” mom. She’s Momala.